2 April 2014

Indian Marriage

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According to “Manusmriti” (“Laws of Manu”), there are 8 types of Hindu marriages.
Lord Brahma, the Hindu God of Creation, is the father of “Manu” (Swyambhuvana Manu). “Manu” is considered the father of all mankind, and all humans are descendants of “Manu“. “Manu” is the equivalent of the Biblical Adam. The Sanskrit name for Humans is “Manav” which is a derivation of “Manu”

“Manu” (Swyambhuvana Manu) is said to have told the Hindu social laws to Saints and Rishis. This collection of laws is called “Manusmriti” or “Manava Dharmasastra” (“Laws of Manu”), and is considered the words of Lord Brahma.

As per legend, Lord Brahma laid down 1000 chapters which made up the”Manusmriti“. This was later presented in 12 chapters.
 8 Types of Hindu Wedding as per Manusmriti
8 Types of Hindu Marriages as per Manusmriti

1. Brahma Vivah
Brahma vivah is considered the best marriage. In this the boy and girl belonging to good families and the same varna get married. The boy should have completed his Brahmacharya Ashram (studenthood). There is no dowry involved and the girl enters the boy’s house with two sets of clothes and some ornaments. In this marriage, the boy’s family approaches the girl’s family. “Kanyadaan”, which is the handing of the bride by her father to the groom, is an important ritual of the Brahma Vivah.


2. Daiva Vivah
In this type of Hindu marriage, the girl’s family looks for a groom. If a girl has not been able to get a suitable husband for a period of time, her family look to marry her to a priest who officiates over sacrifices.

3. Arsha Vivah
Here the groom gives a gift (a cow and a pair of bulls) to the girl’s family. This usually takes place when the girl’s parents can not afford to meet the expense of the marriage. This is not considered an ideal marriage because there is a monetary consideration involved in this wedding.

4. Prajapatya Vivah
Somewhat similar to the Brahma Vivah, except in this case the girl’s family looks for a groom and the ritual of Kanyadaan is not followed. Instead of “Kanyadaan”, the bride’s father hands over protection of his daughter to the groom during the “Panigrahan” ritual. The actual wedding takes place after “Panigrahan”.


5. Gandharva Vivah
This is a love marriage, where the bride and groom marry of their own free will. Usually the consent of the parents is not taken or is not available because either or both parents are against the marriage.

6. Asura Vivah
Somewhat similar to the “Arsha Vivah” where the groom gives presents to the bride’s family in order to get their approval for the marrige. Usually the groom is not of the same stature as the bride.

7. Rakshasa Vivah
In this Hindu wedding, the bride is ready to marry groom, but the bride’s family is against the marriage. In such cases, if the groom’s family forcibly takes away the bride, it is a “Rakshasa Vivah”.

8. Paishacha Vivah
This type of marriage is not allowed. In this marriage, a girl, who is not in her senses (she may not be of sound mind or intoxicated or drugged, etc) is forcibly married off. The girl has not consented to this marriage.

Based on the bride and groom’s caste, some of the above Hindu marriages are allowed and some are disallowed.

Types of marriage in India

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Diversity of India reflects on every dimensions of Indian context and Indian wedding is not an exception. Heterogeneity of Indian society and culture essence seeps through Indian wedding affair. They say, “ marriages are made in heaven” and undoubtedly it is one of the prime event of life. In India where social and cultural restrictions are so strong, wedding is perhaps the most important part of one’s life. Its also a social occasion for an individual and their family. Indian wedding is nothing short of any festival when it reflects the social and Indian heritage in every possible way. Some typical Indian wedding include the Hindu wedding, Punjabi wedding, Indian Muslim wedding, and Christian wedding. In India every part has their own type of wedding ceremony and totally diverse customs and cultural connotations can flummox anybody.

A typical Hindu wedding day starts with selection of auspicious day. Henna or Mehendi is something very important ritual in Indian wedding when bride palm and feet decorated with it. The Hindu wedding wedding is a long term affair, where numerous intricate customa webbed in a single event. The best part of Indian wedding is the procession of groom where the procession or baraat headed by a display of fireworks, accompanied by the songs and dance reach the bride place for wedding. The tradition of Indian wedding wavers across religion, caste, ethnicity, language, region and other things. Today Indian scenario is changing where arranged marriages is gradually moving to love marriages. Still in modern society Indian marriages almost have the same appeal and tradition. Traditional Indian weddings are generally starts with pre-wedding day ceremonies. In some parts it starts from one week ahead of wedding ceremony.

Types Of Indian Wedding

Hindu Indian Wedding- Selection of wedding day is an important tasks. Hindu marriages are executed by priests who chant sanskrit hymns and mantras in front of sacred fire. In north Indian wedding, music is also play an important part. Playing Shehnai in north indian and Nadaswaram in south is a ritual. The pocession of groom known as baraat is an exciting event. This happens in much fanfare and enthusiasm. In the mandap, a dias where the marraige ceremony is performed, groom ties knowt with bride and they together walk seven times around the sacred fire while the priests continue to chant mantras. The last stage of marriage is known as saptapadi, where the bride and the groom take seven steps together facing the north, after which the bride shifts to the groom’s left. The couple is now declared married.

Muslim Indian Wedding - Pre wedding ceremony consists of two ceremonies. First one is mangni where the would be husband and wife exchange rings. The bride wears an outfit gfted by future in laws. At mangni ceremony day of marriage is fixed. Another one is mehendi ceremony when bride sport attractive on her palm and feet. In the wedding day, groom comes with a procession with band of musicians. The groom shares a drink of sherbet with bride’s brother. The nikah or marriage is conducted in a close association of relatives and guests. The nikah is complete in presence of priest after proposal and acceptance of both bride and groom side. According to muslim law nikahnama is a document in which the marriage contract is registered.
Indian Wedding
Sikh Wedding - Punjabi wedding is one of the most exuberant marriage ceremonies of India. the atmospeher is set before one week of wedding ceremony. The shagun ceremony, where two families exchange gifts to confirm the engagement. The bangle ceremony is an unique and improtant ceremony, where bride maternal uncle and aunt put red bangles on the bride’s wrist. The procession of groom is same like in other marriages. In the marriage ceremony, bridal couple sit in front of Granth Sahib. The ardas are read and ten Sikh gurus are saluted. The last ceremony is doli or farewell of bride to groom’s house. Bride leave her hose throwing handful of rice over shoulder.

Kerala Hindu Nair Wedding – Kerala Hindu Nair marriages is something very different from other souht Indian weddings. The Nairs of Kerala are only the matrilineal community in the country. Ceremonies include announcement of engagement and exchange of rings, prenuptial blessings of bride, the bride and groom are blessed by elders. The wedding ceremony is a close affair, groom come to bride house with a procession but with less fanfare compare to other Indian wedding.

Customs And Rituals

In India marriages are complex and grand event with so many customs and rituals. Long before the actual marriage ceremony almost in all the religion customs and rituals play an important part in Indian wedding. The announcement the date of marriage is an important custom followed by ‘mangni’ or engagement function. In India marriage is not only the binding between bride and groom but also it associates two separate families. Songs, dances, little mischiefs and family union is all about Indian marriages. Its just not an event of bride or groom but its like a festival where every single member actively participate in that. Although inflow of foreign culture affect some of Indian tradition but the root is still strong. Indian geographical variation have an effect on their marriage customs and rituals. Every zones have a separate method of celebrating marriage ceremony. The religious customs and rituals are same but the method is different. For example, Marwari marriages in Rajasthan are grand affair and lasted for at least 10 weeks whereas in Bengal wedding affair is less illustrious. Most of the north Indian marriages, procession of groom come with much pomp and gaudery but in south India that is not the man event and they mainly stress on traditional customs and complicated rituals.

Wedding Destinations In India

Royal Wedding In Rajasthan – Imagine wedding in some of the magnificent palace in Rajasthan with grandiose ambiance, desert theme parties, and wedding in the middle of the lake. Rajasthan is one of the most favorite wedding destination because of its royal charm and rough beauty. Apart from wedding Rajasthan is an excellent place to visit and to enjoy the traditional beauty of the land of Maharajas.

Beach Wedding In Goa- The Goa reminds the seducing beaches, laid back lifestyle, food and obviously fun. There is nothing better venue to bind yourself with your life partner where married at exclusive and private resorts are booked for marriage with some excellent music and dance parties.

Wedding in Himalayas - One cannot escape from the charm of Himalayas and who doesn’t want to be arrested on the mystic valleys of Himalayas. Enjoy the beautiful valley of Himalayas, tranquility and scenic beauty. In addition to wedding the place is perfect for picnic, adventure activities, and unadulterated fun.

Wedding In Kerala- Some call it paradise, some says nature’s bliss. Undoubtedly Kerala is most coveted destinations for Wedding. Beautiful backwater, ayurvedic massage and serene beaches, Kerala has all.

The Marriage Armoire story

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The French Marriage Armoire has great tradition. A groom's family gave it to the couple as a symbol of love. Many of the most elaborate armoires were hand-made and highly decorated. Many of them came from Arles, a city in a region located in the southern part of France. Some of the ornamentation has symbolic meanings:
Two or more birds were symbols of companionship and love.
Eggs and smaller birds indicated the "nest" the couple would build together and perhaps the number of children that would bless their union.
The bowls or tureens demonstrated wishes for bounty, wealth and long life.
Olive branches and leaves represented peace.
Flowers suggested joy, laughter and hope.
Rose thorns reminded couples that along with happiness, difficulties and challenges would occur during marriage. 

Marriage Related Word List

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A) Acceptance, Accommodation, Accustomed, Activity, Admiration, Adoption, Adult, Advice, Advise, Affection, Affiliation, Affinity, Allegiance, Ancestor, Anniversary, Anxiety, Appreciation, Approval, Ardent, Association, Attentive, Authority
B) Bachelor, Banns, Baptism, Betroth, Bloodline, Bonds, Bone fide, Breadwinner, Bride, Brotherly
C) Care, Care-giver, Caring, Casual, Celebration, Celibate, Chemistry, Cherish, Child, Children, Choice, Churches, Civility, Clan, Close-knit, Coach, Cohort, Cohort, Colleague, Comfortable, Comfortable, Commitment, Commonality, Communicative, Community, Companion, Compassion, Compatibility, Competitive, Concern, Confetti, Confidence, Congenial, Conjugal, Connection, Consideration, Constancy, Conversation, Convivial, Couple, Courteous, Custody
D) Daughter, Decent, Defense, Deferential, Dependable, Dependence, Descent, Determination, Development, Devoted, Differences, Dowry, Dream, Dress
E) Earnest, Easy, Elder, Eligible, Emotional, Empathy, Encouragement, Endearing, Engaged, Esteem, Everlasting
F) Fair, Fairness, Faithful, Family, Father, Father-in-Law, Favorite, Feelings, Fidelity, First Dance, Flexibility, Flowers, Folks, Forebear, Forgiveness, Foster child, Foundation, Fraternal, Fraternal, Fretful, Friends, Friendship
G) Gatherings, Genealogy, Generation, Generosity, Genes, Gentle, Genuine, Geriatric, Gestation, Gifts, Gown, Grandparent, Grateful, Gratitude, Groom, Group, Groups, Grownup, Guardian, Guests, Guidance
H) Habit, Healthy, Heir, Helpful, Helpmate, Hereditary, Heritage, History, Honesty, Honeymoon, Hope, House guests, Humor, Husband
I) Ideal, Illness, Impressive, In-laws, Independence, Industrious, Infancy, Inheritance, Inspiration, Instructive, Insulting, Integrity, Intuitive, Invitations
J) Jocularity, Joking, Joy, Judgment, Justice of the Peace,
K) Kin, Kindness, Kindred, Kinfolk, Kinship, Kisses
L) Lace, Laughter, Legal, Lineage, Listener, Longevity, Loving, Loyalty
M) Maiden name, Majority, Marriage, Mate, Matriarch, Matrimony, Mature, Mentoring, Milestone, Minor, Mom, Monogamy, Morale, Morals, Mother, Mother-in-Law
N) Natal, Nephew, Nest, Newlywed, Niece, Nuclear family, Nuptial, Nurture
O) Obedient, Observant, Offspring, Open-minded, Optimism, Origin
P) Parent, Partiality, Partner, Pastor, Pastor, Paternity, Patience, Patriarch, Peace, People, Perceptive, Perseverance, Philosophical, Photographer, Polite, Positive, Priest, Priest, Principles, Progeny, Protection, Provider
Q) Quality, Quantity, Quiet
R) Rabbi, Race, Reception, Relation, Relationship, Relatives, Reliability, Reliance, Religion, Resilience, Resolution of differences, Respect, Responsibility, Retiring, Reverence, Reverend, Ring
S) Safety, Security, Select, Senior, Sensible, Sensitivity, Separation, Service, Sharing, Similarities, Sincerity, Single, Sisterhood, Solidarity, Son, Soul mate, Special, Special Day, Speeches, Spouse, Standards, Stepmother, Suit, Supportive, Surname, Sweet, Sympathetic
T) Tact, Teamwork, Tender, Thoughtfulness, Ties, Time together, Together, Tolerant, Top Heat, Tradition, Trait, Tribe, Triplet. troth, Trust, Trustworthy, Truthful, Tuxedo
U) Understanding, Unforgiving, Union, Unique, Unite, Unity, Upbringing
V) Valuable, Values, Variety, Veil, Vigilance, Volunteer, Vows
W) Warmth, Watchful, Wedlock, Welcoming, White, Wife, Willingness, Wisdom, Wise, Wonderful, Worry, Worthwhile, Worthy, Worthy
X)
Y) Youngster, Youth
Z) Zeal

स्वाभिमानी बालक

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किसी गाँव में रहने वाला एक छोटा लड़का अपने दोस्तों के साथ गंगा नदी के पार मेला देखने गया। शाम को वापस लौटते समय जब सभी दोस्त नदी किनारे पहुंचे तो लड़के ने नाव के किराये के लिए जेब में हाथ डाला। जेब में एक पाई भी नहीं थी। लड़का वहीं ठहर गया। उसने अपने दोस्तों से कहा कि वह और थोड़ी देर मेला देखेगा। वह नहीं चाहता था कि उसे अपने दोस्तों से नाव का किराया लेना पड़े। उसका स्वाभिमान उसे इसकी अनुमति नहीं दे रहा था।
उसके दोस्त नाव में बैठकर नदी पार चले गए। जब उनकी नाव आँखों से ओझल हो गई तब लड़के ने अपने कपड़े उतारकर उन्हें सर पर लपेट लिया और नदी में उतर गया। उस समय नदी उफान पर थी। बड़े-से-बड़ा तैराक भी आधे मील चौड़े पाट को पार करने की हिम्मत नहीं कर सकता था। पास खड़े मल्लाहों ने भी लड़के को रोकने की कोशिश की।
उस लड़के ने किसी की न सुनी और किसी भी खतरे की परवाह न करते हुए वह नदी में तैरने लगा। पानी का बहाव तेज़ था और नदी भी काफी गहरी थी। रास्ते में एक नाव वाले ने उसे अपनी नाव में सवार होने के लिए कहा लेकिन वह लड़का रुका नहीं, तैरता गया। कुछ देर बाद वह सकुशल दूसरी ओर पहुँच गया।
उस लड़के का नाम था ‘लालबहादुर शास्त्री’।

secrets of a successful marriage

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Come to think of it, marriage isn’t really about “love” either. It’s about the agreement to love each other. And while it’s always nice when married people are in love with each other, it’s even more important for them to be loving to each other.
Marriage is the promise–not the emotions, not even the relationship–but the commitment a married couple makes to each other. To be worth anything more than a vacation together, a boarding arrangement or a temporary job, a marital promise must be made to withstand and weather all human emotions, and some inhuman ones too.
Before you get married…
Think about friendship and get good at it–before you think about falling in love. Friendship is an infinitely more stabilizing basis for marriage than romance.
Find someone who likes you. Someone who has friends of your gender and is friends with his or her own parents–particularly with the parent of your gender.
Know what you’re getting into. Make sure you fully understand the history of your prospective spouse’s previous marriage or marriages–and of her or his parents’ marriage too. History is habit. It’s hard to make a marriage with someone who didn’t learn about marriage growing up as a child and doesn’t get it now.
Forget everything you thought you knew. About the opposite sex, that is. People who are trying to base the rules and roles of marriage on old-fashioned ideas of gender are just avoiding getting to know each other. The marriage begins when the gender dance ends, so don’t marry someone who is rigid about gender roles.
Be a little afraid. If you are not afraid of marriage, or at least in awe of it, you’re not paying attention.
Talk to people. If you didn’t know marriages that worked when you were growing up, ask people who are happy and married how they do it. You’ll probably find that they don’t know how, but they take pride in the effort.
Don’t expect perfection. Once people get past having to appear ideal to each other, once they’ve overcome their blindness to each other’s weaknesses, reality can be noticed, negotiated and faced together. A relationship that has been completely idealized cannot permit much honesty–and even less reality.
Once you’re married…
Go for the gusto. Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside it.
Be kind. A marital partnership presents many rights and privileges, but bad manners is not one of them. Intimacy need not be rude. Kindness seems to be the heart of a happy marriage. There is little in life that ever needs to be said, from “you need a bath” to “I feel like killing you if you ever do that again,” that cannot be said politely, even lovingly.
Put a lid on it. Fighting a lot, spewing emotions on each other and “expressing” every foolish thing you feel as if it were pus in an abscess does not make marriages happier. As John Gottman says in his book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail,” contempt, criticism, complaining and withdrawing forebode gloom for a marriage.
Talk about your hurt. If your mate hurts you, talk about your hurt rather than acting out your anger. Discuss your anger calmly, as your problem, not as something your mate has done wrong. The purpose of marital conflict should be to understand the issues and the emotions rather than determine who is the winner. The true winner of a marital conflict should be the one who understands the other person’s point of view first.
Never consider divorce. Don’t talk about it. Don’t scream about it. For the marriage to work, divorce is not an option. Separation definitely, murder perhaps, but not divorce.
How to make it all work
Get along with your in-laws. You have all the responsibilities with in-laws that you have with your own relatives, but none of the expectations. You have no special rights and privileges with your in-laws. Just appreciate the good things they do for you and cheerfully overlook the bad. Try not to criticize them either–to their faces or behind their backs.
Find a work-life balance. Never sacrifice your marriage for your career. If your \ focus is on your success, recognize that as an imposition on your family and remember to apologize daily.
Get real. You’re not going to be “in love” all of the time. If you want to recapture that magic from when you were in love, be loving. One of my favorite James Thurber cartoons shows a battling couple kicking over the furniture and shouting, “Well, who made the magic go out of our relationship, you or me?”
Be fully there. Do more than your share of the working and loving. What you get out of your marriage is in proportion to your investment in it. You don’t have to be perfect. Your partner doesn’t have to be perfect. But you have to be fully there.

Make Happy Life

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“A happy marriage has two people who love each other very much and are committed to bringing out the best in each other.” For instance, if your partner is struggling with an issue at work, you listen to them, talk about the situation and ask how you can support them, she said. “You basically have each other’s back.”
A happy marriage also has a climate of positive energy, which includes gratitude and appreciation, she said.
Habits can either create or destroy this positive climate. “Most people might say that they don’t have any habits.” But everyone does. You just might not realize it. For instance, complaining to your partner about not taking out the trash or not preparing dinner can become a habitual complaint, she said.
Other negative habits include criticism, contempt, sarcasm, eye-rolling and distancing behaviors, she said.
“The trick is to harness healthy daily habits as opposed to destructive habits to create a positive climate” in your marriage. And these habits don’t have to be grand gestures or sweeping changes.
Bush thinks of these healthy habits as “very small, almost imperceptible, easy things to do” throughout the day. (Incorporating small habits increases the chance that you’ll actually do them.)
Below, she shared seven small but significant gestures you can incorporate in your day-to-day life.
1. Greet your partner lovingly in the morning.
When you first see your spouse, instead of having a negative or even neutral interaction, greet them with a positive statement, Bush said. It could be anything from “I’m glad to wake up beside you” to “I’m so happy to be married to you,” she said. The key is to be positive and loving.
2. Send a sweet text.
“Use modern-day technology to stay connected” throughout the day by sending your spouse a playful, flirtatious or sweet text, Bush said. Write anything from “I miss you” to “I can’t wait to see you tonight,” she said.
3. Reunite with a hug.
“Often people will reunite and it’s unconsciously thoughtless,” Bush said. For instance, partners might focus more on checking the mail or criticizing, such as “Why didn’t you cook dinner?” or “Why didn’t you take out the trash?”
Instead, any time you reunite with your partner, “have an intentional hug that lasts 20 seconds.” This is actually longer than the average hug, and it’s “long enough for oxytocin, the bonding hormone, to be released.”
4. Touch your partner at mealtime.
When you’re eating dinner together, make it a point to touch your partner. You might touch their hand or arm, or your legs might touch, she said.
5. Compliment your partner at the end of the day.
Many marriages, Bush said, suffer from chronic under-appreciation. Partners don’t feel appreciated, and they, too, don’t show their appreciation, she said. The relationship becomes clouded by a “sense of lack and taking each other for granted.”
She suggested couples end the day by thanking each other for one small act they did that day. It could be anything from “Thanks for picking up the dry cleaning” to “Thanks for making dinner” to “Thanks for hanging out with my family.”
Not only does your partner feel appreciated after your compliment, but “you start to train yourself to look for the good. You focus your attention on the things they do, not just what they don’t do.”
Also, when you go on dates, compliment each other’s appearance, she added.
6. Express your needs from a place of vulnerability.
“Often people will criticize as a way of describing their needs,” Bush said. So instead of a request, it comes out as an attack. For instance, if you’re annoyed that your spouse is on the computer, you might say, “You’re always on the computer.”
Instead, try: “I’d like to spend some time with you. Could you spend some time with me?” This invites a dialogue between partners, she said.
7. Feel each other’s breath.
This might sound like a strange practice, but it’s a powerful way to enhance your intimacy. Put your hands on each other’s chest or belly and feel your partner’s breathing, Bush said. Synch your breath together for one minute. Some couples also look into each other’s eyes.
Some days you probably won’t feel like showing appreciation or being affectionate. You might be in a miserable mood or downright exhausted. But try it anyway.
“If you do a loving behavior, you start to feel more loving,” Bush said. She likened it to feeling depressed. “You don’t want to do the things that will make you feel better. And, yet, when you do the things that make you feel better, you feel better.”
Also, keep in mind that time with your spouse is finite. People don’t realize that their relationship can end because of a divorce or death, Bush said. She works with many grieving spouses, who would “give anything for one more hug and kiss.” “[B]e willing to show up” for your relationship.

For a Successful Married Life

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1. Love Comes First: Physical love is good, but there has to be genuine spiritual love also in your heart. Your immediate neighbor is your own spouse. So let charity begin at home and set an example by loving your spouse first and foremost. Follow the scripture: "Love thy neighbor as thyself".

2. Narrow the Gulf: Whether it is a love marriage, arranged marriage or forced marriage, differences are bound to arise. Both of you come from different backgrounds, upbringings and environments. You must be ready to overlook the sharp differences, lapses or shortcomings.
3. Forgive & Forget: Remember, to forgive is divine, and keep doing it, even if you have to repeat this process for infinite times.
4. Begin the Day Cool: Early in the morning, both spouses should try to remain calm and cool. No discussions or arguments in the early morning hours.
5. Silence Can Save: When you leave home for work in the morning, be at your best behavior. If one of you is provoked or complains, silence is the best answer. Conversely, you can say, "We will discuss it in the evening".
6. Inquire & Appreciate: After you return home, inquire and take interest in one another's activity during the day: "How was your day?" You must show your genuine appreciation and sympathy. Top it with a pleasant smile.
7. Listen & Sympathize: Do listen to your spouse attentively and sympathetically. Never ignore. Even at your place of work, if you get a telephone call from your partner, be polite and courteous, in spite of your busy schedule.
8. Don't Forget to Compliment: Make use of "Thank you", "Well done", "You have done a good job", and "I am sorry", as frequently as is necessary. Be generous in your praise and compliments.
9. Don't Compare: Do not enter into comparisons. No one is 100% perfect or 100% imperfect. We all have flaws and shortcomings. Always look at the good qualities of your spouse.
10. Keep Smiling: Be cheerful and smile away your problems. Give a smile as often as you can. Only a human person is endowed with this blessing. Animals do not have this rare faculty. Did you know you use only 20 muscles for a smile but 70 muscles for a frown? So, keep smiling!
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Live a Happy Married Life

 If you are married, you'll know that happiness in your marriage is as essential as food is for hunger. Perhaps you'd like to be happier in your marriage, or you're thinking about getting married and you're looking for hints and tips. Here's some good advice for living a happily married life.
Respect each other's views at all times.
  • Give particular attention to what your spouse wants, believes and likes. Ideally, rather than working out what you need, you should try to work out what you both need. If you disappoint your partner, say so: "I'm sorry that I disappointed you." and "I'll try to make up for that." If you may have given rise to a disagreement.
  • Listen to each other properly. Don't pretend to listen whilst you formulate your answer.
    • Show consideration to your spouse, with high regard to not disagreeing unnecessarily.
    • Give priority to your spouse over everything else in your life.
      • Show your esteem for your spouse by giving preference over the needs and wishes of others.
      • Sincerely say "I love you" often.
      • Start your day with a warm kiss or a hug.
      • Take time out and spend a few moments together--just the two of you alone.Maybe you and your spouse can go out for a walk or a drive to get away from others.
      • Talk graciously to each other about your thoughts--especially things for the two of you to agree upon or do together. Doing this daily helps foster communication between partners.
        • Talk and thus be open hearted; this can create a bridge of thoughts and understanding.
        • Never say things in anger intentionally meaning to hurt your partner. Cruel words you said but didn't mean may be hard for your spouse to forget - they can cause lasting damage to your relationship.
        • When arguing keep to the subject and try not to personally attack your partner
        Cook for each other, and show that you appreciate the thoughtfulness and the food - even if you could do better, or you may end up doing all the cooking yourself.
      • Remember that ideally and spiritually both of you are like one soul and two bodies; if you hurt each other, you hurt yourselves as well.
      • Don't forget to do the little things that make each of you smile and feel loved.
      • Be patient with each other as much as possible.
      • Don’t break marital confidences or use them as a weapon during an argument
      • If you sense that something is wrong with your partner take time to embrace them and ask what's the matter - maybe that's the time they need your attention the most. Don't ignore that opportunity.
      • Make sure your partner knows how much you appreciate the little every day things they do, like doing the washing up or making the bed.
    • Surprise each other with little gifts or tokens of appreciation. This will make the moment even more special. Gifts need not be extravagant or painfully expensive. It is always the thought that counts. A little something to create warmth and sweet memories.
    • Be honest and show sincere appreciation.
    • Love, respect and courtesy are basic ingredients of happy married life.
    • Understand each other.

सिकंदर का अंहकार

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सिकंदर ने ईरान के राजा दारा को पराजित कर दिया और विश्वविजेता कहलाने लगा। विजय केउपरांत उसने बहुत भव्य जुलूस निकाला। मीलों दूर तक उसके राज्य के निवासी उसके स्वागत मेंसर झुकाकर उसका अभिवादन करने के लिए खड़े हुए थे। सिकंदर की ओर देखने का साहस मात्र किसी में कहीं था।
मार्ग के दूसरी ओर से सिकंदर ने कुछ फकीरों को सामने से आते हुए देखा। सिकंदर को लगा कि वे फ़कीर भी रूककर उसका अभिवादन करेंगे। लेकिन किसी भी फ़कीर ने तो सिकंदर की तरफ़ देखा तक नहीं।
अपनी ऐसी अवमानना से सिकंदर क्रोधित हो गया। उसने अपने सैनिकों से उन फकीरों को पकड़ कर लाने के लिए कहा। सिकंदर ने फकीरों से पूछा – “तुम लोग नहीं जानते कि मैं विश्वविजेता सिकंदर हूँ? मेरा अपमान करने का दुस्साहस तुमने कैसे किया?”
उन फकीरों में एक वृद्ध महात्मा भी था। वह बोला – “किस मिथ्या वैभव पर तुम इतना अभिमान कर रहे हो, सिकंदर? हमारे लिए तो तुम एक साधारण आदमी ही हो।”
यह सुनकर सिकंदर का चेहरा क्रोध से तमतमा उठा। महात्मा ने पुनः कहा – “तुम उस तृष्णा के वश में होकर यहाँ-वहां मारे-मारे फ़िर रहे हो जिसे हम वस्त्रों की तरह त्याग चुके हैं। जो अंहकार तुम्हारे सर पर सवार है वह हमारे चरणों का गुलाम है। हमारे गुलाम का भी गुलाम होकर तुम हमारी बराबरी की बात कैसे करते हो? हमारे आगे तुम्हारी कैसी प्रभुता?”
सिकंदर का अंहकार मोम की तरह पिघल गया। उस महात्मा के बोल उसे शूल की तरह चुभ गए। उसे अपनी तुच्छता का बोध हो गया। उन फकीरों की प्रभुता के आगे उसका समस्त वैभव फीका था। उसने उन सभी को आदर सहित रिहा कर दिया।

वासना की उम्र

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एक दिन सम्राट अकबर ने दरबार में अपने मंत्रियों से पूछा कि मनुष्य में काम-वासना कब तक रहती है। कुछ ने कहा ३० वर्ष तक, कुछ ने कहा ६० वर्ष तक। बीरबल ने उत्तर दिया – “मरते दम तक”।
अकबर को इस पर यकीन नहीं आया। वह बीरबल से बोला – मैं इसे नहीं मानता। तुम्हें यह सिद्ध करना होगा की इंसान में काम-वासना मरते दम तक रहती है”।
बीरबल ने अकबर से कहा कि वे समय आने पर अपनी बात को सही साबित करके दिखा देंगे।
एक दिन बीरबल सम्राट के पास भागे-भागे आए और कहा – “आप इसी वक़्त राजकुमारी को साथ लेकर मेरे साथ चलें”।
अकबर जानते थे कि बीरबल की हर बात में कुछ प्रयोजन रहता था। वे उसी समय अपनी बेहद खूबसूरत युवा राजकुमारी को अपने साथ लेकर बीरबल के पीछे चल दिए।
बीरबल उन दोनों को एक व्यक्ति के घर ले गया। वह व्यक्ति बहुत बीमार था और बिल्कुल मरने ही वाला था।
बीरबल ने सम्राट से कहा – “आप इस व्यक्ति के पास खड़े हो जायें और इसके चेहरे को गौर से देखते रहें”।
इसके बाद बीरबल ने राजकुमारी को कमरे में बुलाया। मरणासन्न व्यक्ति ने राजकुमारी को इस दृष्टि से देखा कि अकबर के समझ में सब कुछ आ गया।
बाद में अकबर ने बीरबल से कहा – “तुम सही कहते थे। मरते-मरते भी एक सुंदर जवान लडकी के चेहरे की एक झलक आदमी के भीतर हलचल मचा देती है”।

श्री राम के दरबार में कुत्ता

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एक दिन एक कुत्ता श्रीराम के दरबार में आया और उसने प्रभु से शिकायत की – “राजन, कितने दुख की बात है कि जिस राज्य की कीर्ति चहुंओर रामराज्य के रूप में फैली हुई है वहीं लोग हिंसा और अन्याय का सहारा लेते हैं. मैं आपके महल के पास ही एक गली में लेटा हुआ था जब एक साधू आया और उसने मुझे पत्थर मारकर घायल कर दिया. देखिए मेरे सिर पर लगे घाव से अभी भी रक्त बह रहा है. वह साधू अभी भी गली में ही होगा. कृपया मेरे साथ न्याय कीजिए और अन्यायी को उसके दुष्कर्म का दंड दीजिए.”
श्रीराम के आदेश पर साधु को दरबार में लिवा लाया गया. साधू ने कहा – “यह कुत्ता गली में पूरा मार्ग रोककर लेटा हुआ था. मैंने इसे उठाने के लिए आवाज़ें दीं और ताली बजाई लेकिन यह नहीं उठा. मुझे गली के पार जाना था इसलिए मैंने इसे एक पत्थर मारकर भगा दिया.”
श्रीराम ने साधु से कहा – “एक साधू होने के नाते तो तुम्हें किंचित भी हिंसा नहीं करनी चाहिए थी. तुमने गंभीर अपराध किया है और इसके लिए दंड के भागी हो.” श्रीराम ने साधू को दंड देने के विषय पर दरबारियों से चर्चा की. दरबारियों ने एकमत होकर निर्णय लिया – “चूंकि इस बुद्धिमान कुत्ते ने यह वाद प्रस्तुत किया है अतएव दंड के विषय पर भी इसका मत ले लिया जाए.”
कुत्ते ने कहा – “राजन, इस नगरी से पचास योजन दूर एक अत्यंत समृद्ध और संपन्न मठ है जिसके महंत की दो वर्ष पूर्व मृत्यु हो चुकी है. कृपया इस साधू को उस मठ का महंत नियुक्त कर दें.”
श्रीराम और सभी दरबारियों को ऐसा विचित्र दंड सुनकर बड़ी हैरानी हुई. उन्होंने कुत्ते से ऐसा दंड सुनाने का कारण पूछा.
कुत्ते ने कहा – “मैं ही दो वर्ष पूर्व उस मठ का महंत था. ऐसा कोई सुख, प्रमाद, या दुर्गुण नहीं है जो मैंने वहां रहते हुए नहीं भोगा हो. इसी कारण इस जन्म में मैं कुत्ता बनकर पैदा हुआ हूं. अब शायद आप मेरे दंड का भेद जान गए होंगे.”

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